


Simon Snow Salisbury

by juiceboxjellyfish



Series: Carry On Countdown 2017 [26]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown 2017, Crying, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, SnowBaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 16:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13080813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juiceboxjellyfish/pseuds/juiceboxjellyfish
Summary: Simon finds out the truth about his parents.





	Simon Snow Salisbury

“Hey Simon, you got a letter from Agatha.”  
“Like a physical letter?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Why not just send an email or something?”  
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s something really important or sentimental? Or maybe there’s something more in the envelope? I don’t know. Here it is, anyway.”  
“Thanks Penny, I’ll read it later.”

I go through the day not thinking much about the letter. Penny cleans the flat while I finish up the Christmas baking, and then we sit on the couch watching mindless TV shows to pass the time. It’s not until I’m getting ready for bed that I remember the letter.  
I rip the top open, and a photo falls out. I catch it in mid-air and look at it. It’s a picture of a girl with curly blonde hair and broad shoulders. I don’t recognise her, so I put the photo down and get the letter.

 

Simon.

I’m really sorry to have to tell you this, but I found out some things that I think you deserve to know. It’s kind of a long story but I’ll try to shorten it down and get to the point.

Penny’s mum told me about this girl, Lucy Sailsbury, who went to school at the same time as she did. She told me that Lucy disappeared, and that everyone said she ran away from magic. That she moved to America and lived as a Normal. Because she was done with the world of Mages. As you know, I’ve done the same thing. I was inspired by her, and decided to look deeper into the story. That’s when I found the things I’m about to tell you about. Once again, I’m sorry.

Lucy Sailsbury didn’t actually run away from magic. That’s what everyone believes, and maybe she wanted to, but it’s unfortunately not the truth. I understood this when talking to acquaintances of hers. Their stories didn’t add up and besides, nobody’s seen her in almost nineteen years.   
So here is the real story of Lucy Sailsbury.

She went to Watford together with Penny’s mum, and they were good friends. She was strong and powerful, but they drifted apart because Penny’s mum didn’t like Lucy’s boyfriend Davy. Davy was very smart and had a lot of revolutionary ideas, and Lucy agreed with him on everything. She thought he was a genius, and he had her wrapped around her finger. They were going to change the world together. Everyone who knew them knows that part.  
But then it gets weird. People’s stories start contradicting each other, and it’s hard to find any hard facts, but here’s what I’ve pieced together.  
Davy had read a lot about The Chosen One, and confident as he was, he believed that he could fulfil the prophecy. Not by being The Chosen One, but by bringing him. He saw the prophecies as instructions on how to do this, and was sure that he and Lucy would be powerful enough to do it.

So they tried. And they almost succeeded. Lucy gave birth to an incredibly powerful baby boy and named him Simon Snow Sailsbury. However, she wasn’t strong enough. She died in childbirth, leaving her child without a mother. Davy decided for whatever reason, that he couldn’t or shouldn’t take care of the child, and left him at an orphanage.  
Instead of being there for his son like a father would be, Davy left him, or you, at an orphanage until you turned eleven. When you did, Davy had become the headmaster of Watford, and took you as his heir.

I understand that this is not a nice letter to read, but you deserve to know who your parents are. The included photo is of Lucy, your mother.

 

The letter has a few more lines, but I can’t read them. My hand is shaking, and large teardrops are blurring my vision and creating smudges in the ink.There are so many things I should feeling right now, but my chest is empty as I stare at the photo of Lucy. My mum.   
And then, it all washes over me at once. Sorrow, grief, anger, disappointment, regret, guilt, shock, and actual physical pain hit me in a tidal wave that could knock me over.  
It’s so overwhelming that I still have no idea what I’m feeling. With the photo tightly gripped in my hand, I sit down on the floor. The letter lands next to me even though I didn’t realise I dropped it.

When my head is clear enough to form real sentences and thoughts, it chooses to form the worst possible one.

Both of my parents are dead, and I killed them.

I stare at the photo of my mum.  
“I’m so sorry” I sob. “I wish I was just a normal child so none of this had happened. I’m so sorry.”  
And I hope that she can hear me through the veil.

Penny barges into the room.  
“Simon! Are you okay? I heard you sobbing through the wall, what happened?”  
I’m to choked up to talk, and besides I don’t think I could say it anyway, so I hand her the letter. She quickly reads through it, and then slowly puts it down.  
“Oh Simon…” she says. Then she puts her arm around my shoulder, and sits there in silence holding me until I can speak.  
“I killed them” I sob, and Penny’s eyes widen. She grabs me and turns me around to face her.  
“No you didn’t! It wasn’t your fault that The Mage died, Simon, you know that! Neither of us knew what the spell would do!  
“I killed them Penny! I literally killed my dad and we all know it, and my mom died because of me!”  
“Simon, you couldn’t…” Penny starts, but I interrupt her.  
“You don’t know what it’s like! You have parents, you’ve always had parents! I never did, and it’s my fault! You don’t know what it’s like to not have a family” I shout. Penny looks shocked.  
“You’re right” she says, picking her phone up, “I don’t know.”  
“What are you doing?”  
“I’m calling Baz.”

 

Baz arrives so quickly that I’m sure he used some kind of magic. He rushes into the room.  
“Simon! Penny said you needed me and that it was urgent, what’s happened?”  
Penny looks at me as if to ask if she can leave, and I nod. Baz sits down next to me.  
“Simon?” he asks softly. “What’s going on?”  
“I found out who my parents are and what happened to them” I whisper, because my voice doesn't carry.  
“Is it bad?” Baz asks carefully. I nod.  
“My mom died in childbirth. And my dad was The Mage. So I killed both of them.”  
Baz sits there for a while, completely silent. Then he grabs my hand.   
“Look into my eyes” he says, and I do, even though mine are red and puffy from crying.  
“You did not kill them” he states. “You told The Mage to stop hurting you, and he died. That’s not your fault. You had no idea that he couldn’t stop hurting you as long as he was alive. If anything, The Mage killed himself when he first left you at the orphanage. Your mom died in childbirth. That’s a medical problem, and it’s not your fault-“ I interrupt him.  
“She died because I was too powerful, and she wasn’t strong enough. The Mage thought the two of them were strong enough to make me, but they weren’t. It’s my fault” I explain.   
“Simon, if that’s true, it definitely wasn’t your fault. The Mage thought he and your mother could handle it, but they couldn’t. That’s on him” he claims.  
“You can’t just blame everything on The Mage” I protest.  
“That’s not what I’m doing. This has nothing to do with my personal opinion of The Mage. I’m just stating the facts” he explains calmly. “I’m not necessarily saying it was The Mage’s fault either. I’m just saying it wasn’t yours:”  
I feel more tears run down my face, and Baz grabs my hands tightly.  
“Okay Simon? It wasn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself for this.”

We talk for hours and hours. Baz keeps assuring me that I can’t blame myself, but it’s hard not to feel guilty when both of your parents’ deaths were related to you. But Baz helps a lot. 

“Listen Simon” he says. “You have to understand something. Growing up without parents is tough. I can only imagine what it would be like to grow up not even knowing who your parents are or why they left you, but I know what it’s like not to have a mum. And I blamed myself. I felt so guilty. My mother died killing vampires, and I became one. I was sure she’d hate me if she knew, I was sure she’d kill me if she had the chance. And somehow, I blamed myself for her death. Even though I was only a tiny child when it happened and couldn’t have done anything, I blamed myself. She died protecting me from the vampires, and I couldn’t stand it. My mum was dead because of me.”  
“But it wasn’t your fault” I interrupt, and he looks me in the eyes.  
“Exactly. That’s what I’m trying to say. I couldn’t have done anything, and yet I blamed myself for years. Because I was there when she died, because she died to save me. Your mum died to give birth to you. It’s really not that different. And neither of it is our fault. It might feel like it is, because we were involved, but it’s not. It took me many years to realise that, but I hope it’s a faster process for you.”

“Baz, will you stay tonight?” I ask when the crying has lessened. “I don’t know if I can handle being alone.”  
“Of course. I’ll stay for however long you want me to” he promises. “But since you look a little bit better, can we at least get up from the floor? Maybe you want something to eat?”  
For the first time since reading the letter, I smile.  
“Yeah. Sure. Let’s go to the kitchen.”

The lights in the kitchen are on, and Penny is anxiously pacing back and forth. She stops when she sees us.  
“Simon! Are you okay?” she asks.  
“I don’t know. I’m a little better. We were going to get something to eat, want to join us?”  
“Sure. The pacing has made me hungry.”

We sit there at the table, Baz next to me with his arm wrapped around my waist, and Penny opposite to us.  
“It’s weird” I say. “I never had parents, but somehow it’s weird to know that they’re dead. I guess I still had some kind of hope left that I had a family somewhere and could meet them one day, or something. I didn’t actively believe it, but it’s sad to know for sure that I don’t have a family at all.”  
Baz squeezes my shoulder.  
“Sure you do. We’re your family.”   
Penny nods in agreement.  
“Absolutely” she says. I smile again, leaning against Baz.  
“Thank you” I whisper. “You’re the best family anyone could ask for.”

**Author's Note:**

> What is with all the sad fics in this countdown? I cried a little writing this one
> 
> Leave a comment if you cried too  
> Or if you got sad  
> Or if you laughed, you sick fuck
> 
> Also leave a comment if you noticed the 54532435 times I spelled Salisbury wrong!


End file.
